Good Models Gone Bad (Part 2)

Continued from part 1.

In the first part of episode eight of America's Most Smartest Model, it was seen that model Brett Novek had not followed the better angels of his nature¹ and had instead joined a plot to prevent fellow contestant VJ Logan (an inexperienced but talented model) from winning. In listening to the bad little Brett on one shoulder and the good little Brett on the other, he had chosen to follow the advice of the bad one.² Granted, depending on how dirty he talked to me, I would have probably followed the commands of a bad little Brett Novek on my shoulder also. Hell, if I could see a good Brett and a bad Brett on either shoulder, I might never face forward again.

However, having chosen the ways of the dark side, Brett faced divine retribution and it was quick in coming. He and his AMSMBFF³ Jeff Pickel lost the Edge Challenge (along with co-conspirators Andre Birleanu and Aussie Rachel) to VJ and Angela Hart. The penalty for losing was at first stated to be nothing but a greater distance between changing room and runway for a runway show, so Brett did not see the foreshadowing of worse punishment to come. If he had, he might have tried to reverse the situation instead of joining in with Andre(!) the night before the show in badmouthing Angela's runway experience.

At the start of the Callback Challenge, Andre, Brett, and Pickel found out that not only would their changing area be farther away, but that they also would have to go through an obstacle course in between getting dressed and doing their walk. The other three (Rachel having been give the Edge as well) started the challenge. They each had to do three outfits, completing the task from start to finish in fifteen minutes. VJ had a great performance, looking like he had been doing runway for years. His hair and makeup were fantastic. You might have to slow down the replay to fully appreciate it, but the backside in the swimsuit walking away was truly saucy⁴. His teammate Angela, who usually wore her hair in an unflattering way, looked incredible. You won't see me saying this very often about a member of the other gender, but she was super hot. The body, the hair, the clothes, the walk, all worked together for a superior performance. I didn't know she had it in her.

Rachel, on the other hand, walked like (in her words) a horse. Perhaps it was a little intercession from St. Eligius⁵ to teach her a lesson for joining the alliance against VJ. Still, she's a pretty little filly. Maybe there's a second career there in human dressage⁶.

The three bad boys meanwhile were getting ready for their attack run. It didn't seem possible that these unknowing participants in this little morality play could put themselves in a worse position, but they did so with a invocation to the pagan "gods of fashion" and a strong display of Pride (as in "... goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."⁷).

They started the task in a flurry of dressing, which reminded me of being in a situation of jumping out of a trick's bed realizing I was late for work and not sure where all of my clothes were. They went through the obstacle course and it didn't seem to be too much of a hindrance for these physically fit men. When they got to the runway it did seem to have a residual effect. Brett did a so-so job, which looked very different from his walks in previous competitions. He was so stiff, looking like he was trying to balance a book on his head. It was amazing he could walk so upright having spun around a baseball bat five times, but the walk and the expression really detracted from the presentation of the clothes, which is the whole purpose of being on the runway. Pickel did a pretty good job while Andre looked like someone shuffling on their way to the dining hall at Rikers⁸.

The models received their reviews from the judges and they were consistent with what any lay person could see. Angela won the automatic callback and Brett and Andre received the brunt of the criticisms. Andre was stoic about it but Brett got very agitated with Mary Alice Stephenson. Under other circumstances, I believe he would have been polite about it, but in this case, he was watching the alliance's plans totally blow up in his face and the explosion was painful. Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad⁹ (or just plain pissed off). At the ceremony to announce who was leaving, he started talking again and Ben told him the show came down to something really simple: Mary Alice judging the models' fashion sense and Ben judging their intelligence. Here I disagree with Ben but concur with an earlier statement: the show comes down to being grist for gay-themed blogs and I say hoyay!¹⁰ (See the breathtaking Pickel package extension¹¹ during the quick change competition as evidence.)

Pickel, Brett, and Andre were sent to an eighth circle of Hell¹² as the bottom three and Pickel paid the price for the alliance's transgressions by being sent packing. America’s favorite scrubs-wearing, organ-pulling, clothes-making, female-touching, body-washing, self-tanning, chicken-loving, young Einstein impersonator¹³ was banished, leaving his beloved companion to gasp a Kerriganian "Why?"¹⁴ before one last embrace in a tableau of unbearable pathos¹⁵.

While it is sad and depressing to see Pickel go, I hope it was a wake-up call to Brett to listen to the good little Brett for the rest of the series.


In depth coverage and photos of -> America's Most Smartest Model.

¹ Reference to Lincoln's First Inaugural Address (1861).
² An opposing angelic and demonic figure on either shoulder is a plot device often used to indicate an internal conflict with one's conscience.
³ America's Most Smartest Model best friend forever.
⁴ adj. Characterized by a lightly pert and exuberant quality.
⁵ St. Eligius is one of several patron saints of horses.
⁶ The art of training a horse to make specific and precise movements.
⁷ Proverbs 16:18.
⁸ Rikers Island is the name of New York City's largest jail facility.
⁹ Quote attributed to Euripides.
¹⁰ Abbreviation for "homoeroticism, yay"; it is usually followed by an exclamation mark.
¹¹ Pickel has a big wiener.
¹² Reference to Dante's The Divine Comedy.
¹³ Multiple references to previous episodes.
¹⁴ Reference to Nancy Kerrigan's famous cry after being assaulted in 1994.
¹⁵ n. A quality that arouses feelings of pity or sorrow.