Janice Dickinson Beefs Up

In season three, episode two of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Janice explains that an agent is always looking for the next best thing and so frequently needs to do open calls. Fortunately for the viewers of the show, any search for the best thing requires the male models to strip down to their God-given samples and show all to Janice, her entire crew, and most importantly her TV pixelator. While pixelation is intended to hide any evidence of the naughty bits, there is no standard size for the affected area and that can lead to some viewer inference. The technician usually selects only the minimum area needed. For some models this means a tiny square over the bullseye, while other models end up with a fuzzy image half way down to their knees.

In this episode's open call, Janice meets Grant Whitney Harvey, Brian Kehoe's bunkmate. Grant has come in with all the other hopefuls and doesn't mention the Kehoe connection until Janice figures it out. Upon hearing him say that he and Kehoe share a bunk, Janice asks him if he is gay and he denies it. Note to Janice: gay men don't sleep in bunks (other than in military porn where appendages are allowed to dangle down through the support links of the top bed).

In the discussion with Grant, Janice takes the opportunity to mention to the camera that Brian Kehoe is "a little bit of a butt." From my perspective, Kehoe has a good amount of butt, and I like it just fine that way.

For the callback, Janice's make-up artist Gabe seriously tries to tell the females how poorly their personal wardrobe choices are (doing some sort of bizarro imitation of Janice), but it sounds like a Yorkie pretending to be a German Shepherd. The girls get kudos from me for keeping a straight face and not hitting him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. He needs to use a body cover stick on himself and disappear from sight.

When reexamining Grant, Janice asks her crew, "What is wrong with this human being? Is it the hair?" While I am not a professional I think I could help her with that one. Yes, definitely the hair, but since he is Brian's friend I won't mention the other issues at this time.

Janice asks Grant if he would consider cutting his hair and he replies that his other agent wants him to grow it long. Janice is unhappy to hear that she has been wasting her time with someone that already has representation. She calls the other agency, supposedly to check if it is okay to use Grant, but clearly her real reason is to get him in trouble. Lord love her. She kicks him out and the other agency calls and drops him on his way home. Grant realizes his plan has gone down the toilet like a model's undigested dinner and he laments his situation to the always cooking or eating Kehoe. They agree to go back to see Janice and Kehoe grudgingly allows Grant to have one of his three over easy eggs.

Strangely, Janice agree to take Grant but only after telling him he looks like Boy George meets Victoria Beckham. Perhaps Janice's motivation for bringing him aboard is that she needs a new scratching pole.

Janice has a bunch of casting calls so she brings in all of her new models and returning ones (like J.P Calderon), who have a chance to meet each other for the first time. They all instinctively recreate a scene from a school lunchroom with the cool kids together and the lower forms of life off to the side.

Happily, we finally got to see Shaun McCarron, Paul Anderson, Payton Brady, Brian Bernie, Joe Monbleau, and Peter Yonan. The problem now is that Janice's stud stable is so large, the guys don't get enough air time. It doesn't help that the show includes a bunch of female models getting the camera's attention also. It would be better if the show took the scenes with the girls and just made podcasts from them and let the television show focus on those sans underwear searches for the next best thing.